Saturday, September 27, 2008

Let Go and Hold On


Sometimes I feel like a kid in a grocery store.

Tired and hungry and on the verge of a meltdown.

Hot tears pool in the corners of my eyes, but never fall because of my intense stubbornness. I walk around with every muscle in my body tensed, using every ounce of energy to stay mad.

Am I really mad? Or I am just overwhelmed? It is probably a combination of several different emotions. But whatever is brewing inside me, eventually it comes to the surface, and I sink to the ground in front of the dairy case. I refuse to walk around the grocery store any longer, being dragged along by the cart.

My breathing quickens and my heart begins to race. The tears start to fall, and at this point I am sprawled out on the gross linoleum. Jesus patiently gets on His knees and tries to hold me and speak softly to me. I won't listen. My face is burning with a mixture of embarrassment and shame--I really didn't want to cause a scene. God wraps His arms around me, but I fight the embrace.

He continues to hold me in His arms. Through all of my kicking, and arm-flailing, and whining He remains there, keeping me secure.

Finally I don't have anymore energy and I give up trying to be angry-tough girl. My muscles release, and I fall into His arms with a shuddering sigh.

When I finally stop fighting God's hand, and surrender to His grace, burdens are lifted. When I let go of my pride and hold onto His love I find peace.

The Lord your God is in your midst
A mighty one who will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness;
He will quiet you by His love.
~Zeph. 3:17


Genevra (Jenni) Vanhoozer said...

wow, that's such an unusual and amazing analogy-- you're super at writing! i totally know what you mean too, the tension and anxiety and stress and frustration. and then the release of it all--- ahh, i need one of those!
keep seeking jesus, i'm blessed by what he's teaching you!

Andreal said...
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